Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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