We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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