Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
