i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
