Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
