you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
