my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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