If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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