hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
