Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
