Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
