Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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