forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
