I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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