Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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