The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
