On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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