What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Boobs speak an international language.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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