I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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