my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
