I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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