Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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