well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
