A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
