Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
