Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
