After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
