We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
