Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
