Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Barsexuality is the new black.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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