Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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