OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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