Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
