No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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