New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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