I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
