I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
