Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
