Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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