I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
