The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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