could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
