david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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