True but thats because hes a fetus.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
