Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She's JV to your varsity
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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