return my video game
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
