We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
