Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
