he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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