1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
